The Seminary Scandal and Halacha by Rabbi Yair Hoffman

 update - this is a modified version that Rabbi Hoffman gave permission to post

By now, many people are aware of an unfortunate scandal in four of the religious seminaries for women in Israel.

The case was first taken up by the Chicago Beis Din and then handled by Rav Mendel Shafran’s Beis Din in Bnei Brak, Israel. The latter distinguished Beis Din did ensure that the offending party was no longer involved in the education of the seminaries, and declared that the seminary environments were safe.

The Chicago Beis Din still had some serious reservations about how the matter was being handled by the latter.

Generally speaking, when an untoward situation exists, it is necessary to completely “clean house” and ensure that there is absolutely no control or influence of an offending party over students or staff. This would include even being in charge of the building facilities, educational programming, and financial responsibility. It is also necessary to make sure that any new owner not be tied to the offending party in any manner or form. These criterion were not met to the degree that the Chicago Beis felt necessary.

The Rabbonim of the Chicago Beis Din have spent more than three months conducting intensive investigations both here in the United States as well as in Eretz Yisroel. In fact, it held multiple hearings in four different locations. The Rabbonim also interviewed multiple complainants, and numerous other witnesses. They both consulted with mental health professionals and reviewed many documents. These documents included e-mails and text messages. They also heard testimony, including admissions of critical facts, by the defendant.

In the past, we as a Torah community have not been very good at effectively preventing such abuse within our ranks.

There is no question that there are halachic authorities that sanction the past methods of minimal and quiet intervention where we handle all such matters internally. However, experience has shown that this either doesn’t work anymore, or never even worked in the first place.

There are numerous Mitzvos involved in taking decisive action to ensure that future victims are protected. The verse in Parshas Ki Taytzai (Dvarim 22:2) discusses the Mitzvah of Hashavas Aveida – returning an object with the words, “Vahashaivoso lo – and you shall return it to him.” The Gemorah in Sanhedrin (73a) includes within its understanding of these words the obligation of returning “his own life to him as well.” For example, if thieves are threatening to pounce upon him, there is an obligation of “Vahashaivoso lo.” The psychological repercussions that victims develop often causes them to, r”l, ideate suicide and also to abandon Judaism. This can be confirmed with experts in the field.

Lo Saamod Al Dam Rayacha

There is a negative Mitzvah of not standing idly by your brother’s blood as well. This is mentioned both in Shulchan Aruch (CM 426:1) and in the Rambam.

Lo Suchal l’hisalaym

There is yet another negative commandment associated with the positive commandment of Hashavas Aveida, and that is the verse in Dvarim (22:3), “You cannot shut your eyes to it.” This verse comes directly after the Mitzvah of Hashavas Aveidah. The Netziv (HeEmek Sheailah) refers to this Mitzvah as well. We as a community cannot shut our eyes to this type of activity anymore.

V’Chai Achicha Imach

The Sheiltos (Sheilta #37), based upon the Gemorah in Bava Metziah 62a, understands these words to indicate an obligation to save others with you. The Netziv in his He’Emek She’ailah understands it as a full-fledged obligation according to all opinions. He writes that he must exert every effort to save his friend’s life – until it becomes Pikuach Nefesh for himself. Thus, even when faced with intense pressure, it is our communal obligation to stop this type of activity within our midst.

V’Ahavta l’Rayacha Kamocha

The Ramban, Toras haAdam Shaar HaSakana (p42-43) understands the verse of “And love thy neighbor as yourself” as a directive to save him from danger as well. Although he discusses the issue of medical danger, it is clear that this is an example, and it would apply to danger from activities of molestation as well. Even without the Ramban, however, it is clear that defending and protecting someone from danger is a fulfillment of this Mitzvah.

Our Ineffectiveness

The repercussions of our ineffectiveness have led to four very unfortunate situations. It has led to untold suffering on the part of the victims themselves and on the part of other students who have attended these seminaries and now are at a loss because their spiritual guide has fallen. It has also led to a situation where the public has lost much of their trust in their teachers and Rabbis. And finally, it has led to untold suffering and embarrassment for the families of the perpetrators themselves.

The efforts of the Chicago Beis Din, however, with the haskama of leading Gedolim, represent a sea-change in how we are dealing with these types of scandals internally. The Beis Din has handled the situation with a strength and sensitivity that, unfortunately, in the past has been rarely seen.

The growth we have witnessed in how these matters are handled involves a greater sensitivity to the needs of the victims in terms of both closure as well as counseling and a firm commitment to ensure that the situation not repeat itself again. This can only happen if we adopt the idea that “Sunshine is the best disinfectant.”

Which approach is most ideal when dealing with such a horrific topic? Do we follow the lead of the Chicago Beis Din where we need to completely “clean house?” Perhaps the field of Kashrus may be instructive here. In kashrus, when an owner is caught selling tarfus, changing the management is not adequate. Recent events have born that out. Shouldn’t our children be treated with at least as much dignity as our meat?

The author can be reached at yairhoffman2@gmail.com

Levaya Information for Nissim Carmeli HY”D by Rabbi Yair Hoffman

5TJT.com Hakaras HaTov is a central to our Avodas Hashem. Gedolei Yisroel, among them, Rav Chaim Kaniefsky and Rav Aharon Leib Shteinman have stated that we must all daven for the soldiers that are endangering themselves to protect Klal Yisroel.

Young Nissim Carmeli a”h, a young Texas native who moved to Israel,was among 13 Golani brigade soldiers killed in combat on Sunday morning in the Gaza Strip.

Nissim or Sean Carmeli a”h was a lone soldier whose parents live in the United States. His Levaya will be at 11 p.m. at the military cemetery in Haifa’s Neve David neighborhood. For those who are in Eretz Yisroel, we should express our Hakaras Hatov. by attending. May Hashem bring yeshuos to Klal Yisroel.
 

Arutz 7  Soccer Fans to Flood Lone Soldier's Funeral

In a heartfelt call to fans, the Maccabi Haifa soccer club called on its fans to “do a mitzvah (a good deed) and attend the funeral of fallen IDF soldier Nissim Sean Carmeli, so that his funeral will not be empty.”

The funeral for lone soldier Carmeli, whose parents live in Texas, is set to take place later Monday night, after his parents arrive in Israel.

Carmeli is one of the 13 combat soldiers who were killed in the close fighting at the Battle of Shejaya Saturday night and early Sunday. [...]

In the call to fans, the soccer club said that “Carmeli was a lone soldier, and we don't want his funeral to be empty. Come to his funeral Monday night to pay respects to a man who died so that we could live. This is the least we can do for him and for our nation,” the message said.

update
Arutz 7

Thousands Pay Respects to Fallen Lone Soldier

 Israeli media estimated that anywhere from 12,000 to as many as 20,000 people had heeded Maccabi Haifa’s call and attended the funeral.

Rivky Stein & Yoel Weiss: ORA denies claim they are involved or have verified her beis din

A recent commentator pasted in his comment a quote from Rivky Stein's Facebook page claiming that ORA was involved and supporting them and in addition that ORA had verified the validity of Rivky's Mill Basin Beis Din. In addition the contact information for ORA was given.

I was just asked "for the sake of truth" to remove that comment by a member of ORA who says that ORA is not in fact involved in the case and has not ascertained whether Rivky's Mill Basin Beis din is authentic or not.

While I have my disagreements with ORA concerning halacha and the appropriate tactics - I have found them to be sincere and honest in what they believe to be facts. Therefore I have removed the false statement from my blog - as they requested. 

Another one of Rivky's "facts" that have turned out to be fiction.

Ort family tragedy: When the wife goes to court and not to beis din.

Emes vShalom  To the best of my knowledge the facts presented on this website are accurate and unfortunately true. The husband has been driven from his family and is living in Har Nof while being alienated from his children and stripped of his inheritance and wealth. His wife refuses to go to beis din.

Child abuse: Police say father had legal right to beat up son's molester

A Daytona Beach father beat an 18-year-old man unconscious after finding him sexually abusing his 11-year-old son early Friday morning, police said.

The father called 911 around 1 a.m. after he walked in on the alleged abuse, police said. When officers arrived, they found Raymond Frolander motionless on the living room floor. He had several knots on his face and was bleeding from the mouth.

"He is nice and knocked out on the floor for you," the father told the 911 dispatcher. "I drug him out to the living room."[...]

The father has not been charged with any crime.

"Dad was acting like a dad. I don't see anything we should charge the dad with," Daytona Beach Police Chief Mike Chitwood said. "You have an 18-year-old who has clearly picked his target, groomed his target and had sex with the victim multiple times.

RaP's editorial: The Current Situation in Israel

Guest post by RaP

The Current Situation in Israel:

Why Hamas will lose, and the Jews will win!

It's the Three Weeks and Israel is officially at war. As Shlomo HaMelech says in Koheles, there is a time for peace and a time for war! Perhaps that it has come to war is in itself a sign of the Three Weeks. But this is an unusual situation in Jewish history. The customary perception from a Torah point of view shaped by 2,000 years of Jewish life OUTSIDE of Israel, is not serving as a useful looking glass for what is actually going on INSIDE of Israel today.

Now, in our times, the majority of the world's Jews live in Israel. Israel is the Torah center of the world! It is obviously precious in the eyes of Hashem. Israel is now one of the strongest countries not just in the Middle East but in the world, especially in an Age of Technology that equalizes nations in the Digital Age. Israel is a foremost center of technological innovation and its people and army make full use of that, as one can see in the way the Iron Dome system has created a literal "Star Wars" defensive shield for Israel's people and cities. Truly amazing. Baruch HaShem! The British did not have such a merit when Nazi Germany blitzed them with V-1 and V-2 rockets trying to terrorize the British people and beat them into submission, a strategy adopted directly by the evil brains that drive Hamas in their rocket attacks against the Jews of Israel.

Another great paradox of Jewish history is that while in some way all of Israel is "besieged" by its Arab and Islamic enemies, as in the days of old when the Babylonians and Romans laid siege to ancient Judah and Jerusalem, however the modern-day Jews in Israel successfully hold them at bay and have now unleashed the force of their own army against Hamas to reconquer Gaza yet again.

Indeed these are scary and frightening days, echoes of real Yamim Noraim (Days of Awe) that now also loom, when Jews turn their eyes to and beseech HaKadosh Baruch Hu for the safety of the Jews in Israel, victory and peace, yet something quite obviously different is taking shape in front of our eyes...the Jews will no longer "turn the other cheek" as the meek victims of a 2,000 year old exile, but will react and lead the way against any arrogant enemy.

Torah Jewry in Israel is as Israeli as anyone else is. They also do not "turn the other cheek" to the threats from the secular elements in Israel. In fact, now that that monkey is off their backs for the time being (it may well be the plan -- and punishment -- of Hashem to redirect the attention of the haters of Torah to deal with their own real Arab tormenters and leave the Haredim alone!) as Israel and its army (previously chasing Torah-observant Haredim, now they have to hunt Hamas for real -- THANK YOU HASHEM!!!) as they turn to deal with the Arabs in Gaza and Torah Jewry can get a reprieve and get on with the job of growth in Torah as the greatest zechus (merit) for Israel and all Jews, a spiritual "iron dome" in Hebrew "kippat habarzel" that is actually the "kippat haTorah" and unifying all of it "kippat HaShem" that protects His people!

Hamas's leadership has made a fatal miscalculation. In the olden days of the former USSR they used to think in terms of a "correlation of forces" that if "on balance" there was an opportunity to win, then they went for the kill. This time Hamas's unbridled killer instincts are backfiring on them badly. They have miscalculated. The cold-blooded ruthless uncalled for murder of the three teens unified Israel and unleashed a deep anger that none wanted to be the next family to suffer like the families of three martyrs. The Israeli people came together and for once even the Haredi parts of society prayed as hard and as bitterly for the teens return and then mourned their death. It reached all Jews everywhere in a very deep way and not just in Israel. It was the ultimate "trigger" that launched the Jews' "righteous fight" pushing back against the arrogant Arab onslaught from Gaza. The Gazans dig "attack tunnels" like rats digging for swiss cheese and gold-diggers hunting for "el Dorado" but only their aim is to kill Jews and hurt Israel. That is their perverted "black light at the end of their tunnel". Habo bamachteres (a robber coming through a tunnel) is so dangerous he deserves death according to the Talmud. Some "gold-diggers"! More like gravediggers, and the world media "glorifies" this as if it was something "normal" -- what can one expect from a weirdo crazy media driven by "reality TV" and other such meshugasen! Ignore them, they also have no credibility.

But Israel was still patient, while Hamas unleashed its wave of rocket attacks. Now many of the leaders of Hamas and the Palestinians are issuing a call for the Arabs and the world to "rise up" against the Jews, but all in vain. While immersed in their own fanatical Islamist ideology they have not noticed that the world around has changed radically in the last few years. Iraq and Syria do not exist as nations anymore. They have been sliced up by invasions and civil wars. Egypt's army overthrew the Muslim Brotherhood and put its leaders in jail. Egypt is now a de facto ally of Israel and wants to be rid of the Islamic fundamentalists occupying Gaza. The Jordanians will never dare do anything against Israel. Both Egypt and Jordan have "peace treaties" with Israel that are holding out. In Lebanon it is quiet for now, Hezbola already had its war with Israel and Iran is very far away. Libya's Gadafi after provoking a lifetime of troublemaking and spending on terror is now long gone. The new so-called "ISIS" with its so-called Caliphate Sunni movement is now a perfect foil and counterbalance to the Shiite Iranians who hate them. The Sunni and Shia are killing each other by the tens of thousands! The Gulf States that give Hamas support have no armies and have nothing but oil, same for Saudi Arabia, they are out to preserve the anachronistic monarchical House of Saud, period. The UN is a silly caricature of an organization that none takes seriously. Europe is broke, Germany has been too busy bailing out (read: corporate take over) the "PIIGS" countries ("Portugal, Ireland, Italy, Greece, Spain" -- all impotent and dead broke due to overspending and corruption). Hundreds of thousands of Arabs butcher each other to death in Iraq and Syria, Russia invades Ukraine and they kill each other without mercy, and the UN yawns! Israel decides to wake up and protect its citizens like a "normal" country should and must and the UN jolts up like a drunk from his terminal hangover. It's all a joke to them! Like a toothless weak old dog!

The leading European and Western powers Russia, France, Germany, the United Kingdom and the United States have all basically expressed support for Israel's strong actions against the Gaza Islamist terrorists who if they had their way would launch terror and mayhem as they have all over Europe and in the US on 9/11 and frankly everyone is sick and tired of them and their antics and the dangers they pose. They are about to be defanged and they will have no choice in the procedure. There may be demonstrations on the streets by Arabs but that is not worth a heap of beans because they bullies and are like the boy who cried wolf one time too many. They cannot blow up people and buildings in the West and then expect to be heard when they are taught a lesson in kind. Like the kid who killed his parents and asks the judge for mercy because he is an "orphan"! What goes around comes around they say.

So coming back to the Three Weeks. While it is historically a very dangerous time for the Jewish people, yet in OUR times it is paradoxically a time of great opportunity because the wheels of history, the great Hashgocha guiding the world, is moving the Jewish people into position to build up the land even more, a huge kibbutz galuyos (ingathering of the exiles) in preparation for the imminent coming of Mashiach as all the rabbonim are saying now more than ever, the defeat of Amalek (the Chazal say that any nation that is the prime persecutor of the Jews is the 'Amalek' of that time, "am" plus "lak" = "the nation that 'hits' the Jewish people" = now it's Hamas and its supporters) and the inevitable building of the Third Bais HaMikdosh on the Har HaBayis, bimeheira beyameinu, Amen!

And thus, as the Oral Torah teaches, Tisha Be'Av will no longer be a day of mourning for the past but will be turned into a day of joy and celebration for the present and the future! Venahafoch hu, it will be turned around from a day of terror to a day of rejoicing over the defeat of the enemies of the Jews and the inevitable ultimate victory of Torah over all forms of darkness.

Chicago Beis Din's advisory against Meisel's Seminaries - still in effect

There has been some discussion regarding the apparent disparity between the advisory of the Chicago Beis Din and the announcement of the Israeli Beis Din. In particular are these seminaries to be avoided for the time being?

See Rabbi Yair Hoffman's  The seminary scandal and halacha

The Chicago Beis Din issued an advisory not to be associated with these seminaries  July 10, 2013.

"Based on the testimony and documents received by the Beis Din, including testimony by the claimants and by Elimelech Meisels, the Beis Din beleives that students in these seminaries are at risk of harm and it does not recommend that prospective students attend these seminaries at this time."

However the Israeli Beis Din on July 13, 2013 said  that the matter is fully under control  (my translation)

In light of the above facts, there is no reason to refrain from sending girls to study in these seminaries or that students already there shouldn't remain. It can be presumed that the well trained staff will continue doing their job in a professional manner and that they will properly educate their students.

Some have reconciled the two statements by saying that the Israeli Beis Din announcement came after that of the Chicago Beis Din and supercedes it. Which could be understood from the statement of the Chicago Beis Din itself.

"Because these institutions and Mr. Meisels are located in Israel andnot the United States, a distinguished Israeli beis din consisting of Rabbis Menachem Mendel Shafran, Chaim Malinowitz, and Tzvi Gartner has assumed responsiblity for this matter."

 However the following letter posted on Frum Follies clearly indicates that the advisory is still in effect for the time being and that there is apparently a difference of opinion between the two beis dins as to whether students should stay away from these seminaries for the time being.

Hebrew Theological College
7135 N. Carpenter Rd.
Skokie, IL 60077
Voice:
Fax: 847-745-0200

7/14/2014

Dear xxxxxx,

In response to the decision of the Chicago Special Beis Din regarding Pninim, Binas Bais Yaakov, Chedvas Bais Yaakov and Keser Chaya seminaries, HTC is currently reviewing the status of these programs with our college. Meanwhile, we request that you send us the signed IEP Participation Agreement (see attached) and $1,500 Program fee by the July 31, 2014 deadline if you have not yet done so. We will not deposit any checks or run any credit card payments unless we determine that our affiliation with these seminaries will continue for the 2014-15 school year. If your program fee has already been deposited, please be assured that if the decision is ultimately made to suspend our affiliation with these seminaries, we will fully refund your payment.

Further communication will be forthcoming as soon as information is available.

Rabbi Shmuel L. Schuman
Interim Chancellor
Hebrew Theological College

Most young scientists experience sexual abuse or harrasment in field work

Scientific American   She was a young, enthusiastic graduate student when she traveled to her research site outside a rural town in a foreign country. She had spent years immersed in her research and, as is the case with many young scientists, the field study was a vital opportunity to gain experience and advance her career.

The harassment started with intimate questions about her love life and sexualized comments about her body. At first, she even joined in the banter, trading insults with her mostly male colleagues. She was already uncomfortable, then colleagues started joking about selling her into prostitution. Pornographic photos began to appear in her private workspace.

When she walked unaccompanied through the nearby town, catcalls and the groping hands of local men followed. At work, she felt only marginally safer. The joking had spiraled out of control. When she confronted her professor about it, he told her she was being overly sensitive, their relationship deteriorated, and he eventually revoked his promise to fund her through graduate school.

The scientist posted her anonymous story to University of Illinois anthropology professor Kathy Clancy's blog on the Scientific American website in 2012. The story is one of several Clancy has posted on the blog and is also, according to new research led by Clancy, a disturbingly common feature of scientific field research.

A survey of 142 men and 516 women across scientific disciplines found that many of them suffered or witnessed sexual harassment or sexual assault while at work in the field. A report analyzing the data, published yesterday in the journal PLOS ONE, found that 64 percent of survey respondents said they had experienced sexual harassment. More than 20 percent reported that they had been victims of sexual assault.

The Satmar Rebbe and the Destruction of Hungarian Jewry part I Tablet Magazine

Tablet Magazine    [see also Part II]

In her book Be-Seter Ha-Madrega (In the Covert of the Cliff), Haredi Holocaust historian Esther Farbstein writes, “Rabbi Yoel (Yoelish) of Satmar was unquestionably chief among leaders [of Haredi Jews in Hungary].” If Farbstein is correct in her claim, Rabbi Yoel’s conduct before, during, and after the Holocaust may explain, albeit only partially, the extraordinary devastation suffered by the Hungarian Orthodox community, which had regarded him as “chief among leaders.”

The first section of this article describes Rabbi Yoel’s life and actions during the Holocaust, both on personal and public levels, as reflected in his writings, the contemporary press, memoirs written by his Hasidim, and archival sources. In many cases, researchers note that Rabbi Yoel’s position regarding the Holocaust was extreme and exceptional compared to views held by other rabbis and spokespeople of the Haredi community. Yet the worldview he cultivated, coupled with his theological explanations of the Holocaust and its mystical meaning, drew a growing number of followers, in whose eyes he was the last remnant of a dying ideology. His anti-Zionist worldview, representing as it did to them the Eastern European “Old Home,” expunged his failures during the Holocaust. As his public stature grew, criticism from within diminished, while criticism from without was disregarded and dismissed as Zionist defamation.

As I argue in greater detail in the following, Rabbi Yoel’s life, activities, and decisions during the Holocaust and his pressing need to explain and justify them thereafter offer a possible explanation for the extremism of his later views. Any fair examination of the historical record shows that Rabbi Yoel’s contribution to assisting Jewish refugees and to the rescue of Transylvanian Haredi Jews was negligible. Prior to the Holocaust, he ignored the dangers threatening the Jews of Transylvania and failed to engage in the preparation of rescue and aid plans. Although he became privy to reports on the extermination of the Jewish communities in Poland, given his position as a member of the Central Bureau and through his connections with the authorities, he refrained from calling on his followers to save or prepare themselves. On the contrary, he warned any would-be immigrants to Palestine or other countries that they were in danger of severely harming their Haredi way of life. Moreover, he refrained from cooperating with the Zionist—and even with the Haredi—leadership in addressing current issues or preparing for the impending threat and even opposed measures of a religious nature, such as prayer and fast days, which he feared would be perceived as a protest against the authorities.

When the danger of war became real and immediate, Rabbi Yoel did his best to equip himself and his closest circle with certificates or visas that would facilitate their escape to Palestine or the United States. At the same time, he thwarted all attempts at cooperation between the heads of the Orthodox communities and the Zionist organizations, which could have helped to rescue them. He failed to set a personal example and rejected his associates’ advice to prepare a hiding place or attempt to cross the border to Romania. Had he done so, some of his Hasidim may have done the same and thus survived.

When put to the test, he chose to save himself clandestinely after his own congregation had already been incarcerated in ghettos and to abandon his followers in the time of their harshest adversity. His conduct stands in stark contrast to that of other rabbis in his vicinity, many of whom rejected pleas to save themselves and accompanied their congregations to the transport trains, the extermination camps, and in some cases even into the gas chambers. [...]

Rifky Stein & Yoel Stein: A neutral divorce lawyer's evaluation and suggestions

 Update: RaP's comments

This is a comment that was made to another post but which I feel is a strong contribution to the discussion and should be read by everyone.

It goes beyond the question of who is telling the truth and gets into the practical reality and issues. In particular the issue of the interaction between the secular law and halacha. How does the secular judge view the manuevering on both sides regarding the get?

Do we follow the established halacha if it increases the likelihood of one party going against halacha and perhaps remarry without a get. This in fact is a halacha issue which the poskim indicate is a real issue but its significance and  relevance change with time and place.

Guest Post by Brent Albala • Comment to Rifky's 2012 Proposal

Dr. Eidensohn, I'm honored that you yourself chose to respond to me.

So, no, I have not read every single posting on this issue on all the various websites these people have chosen to spread their dirty laundry.

But it doesn't really matter, or change my opinion. Here's why:

I've been involved in dozens of matters (one earlier today!) where there is a claim of criminal activity on the part of one ofththe parents (you think these two are the first to make alleged criminal activity an issue?) Prostitution, Drug sales. Money laundering. Fencing stolen goods. Weapons charges (today's matter!). OK, so this one has racketeering allegations.

One of two things is the truth: either the RICO allegations are true, or they're not. Either he's been arrested and charged criminally, or he hasn't. If we assume (arguendo) he has been charged and arraigned criminally, that he's entered a "not guilty" plea. Has the Grand Jury returned their report? Did they find enough evidence to proceed to trial? That would not be good news for him. Has their been a criminal trial? Or is that still pending? I have to assume from what I have seen here, he hasn't been found guilty of anything. Or maybe the Grand Jury has not found enough evidence and the matter is to be dismissed (like the various Order of Protections that I read about).

If the matter is still pending criminally, then I would have to advise him to hold off on a custody trial as any testimony elicited at a custody trial could be used against him in a criminal trial. I wouldn't take that chance. However reluctantly, I would advise him not to cut off all contact with his children and suffer through supervised visitation. Although if the RICO allegations do not contain allegations of any actual physical violence (and it's strictly a financial allegation), I'd point that out to the Court that he's not dangerous and ask for unsupervised visitation. In such a situation I admit that I might have him hold off on consenting to a Get since the civil divorce will take a year or two as the criminal matter winds it's way through the system and so time is not of the essence. It's not as if she'll be civilly divorced quickly or remarrying anytime soon. BUT the logic to hold off on the GET is not to obtain leverage in a custody matter, it merely is that there's no rush since the civil matter is taking so long due to the pending criminal case. OK, let her wait.

BUT let's assume there are no criminal charges, or he's found "not gulity" what then? Well then we have a custody trial. Let them each take the stand and hurl accusations at each other. Let their attorneys enter whatever evidence they have. Is HE violent? Keep her prisoner? Beat her? The kids? Hasn't he been found not guilty of everything she's claimed about him? All Orders of Protection dismissed? RICO dismissed? Has SHE filed false Order of Protections? Filed false RICO claims? Or is she a good mother? The primary caregiver? etc... This is the stuff of custody and visitation trials. In this scenario, there is NO justification to withhold a Get. The Supreme Court judge will judge each person's credibility, examine the evidence offered, and make the decision. Custody to . . .; Visitation to . . .; Supervised/unsupervised. Overnights? etc. Again, no justification to withhold a Get if the civil divorce is proceeding according to plan, REGARDLESS OF THE ALLEGATIONS.

Remember, I consider paramount not alienating the mother from Judaism. (And I'm not even orthodox!) Make her miserable enough and you increase the odds that she'll remarry out of the community, if not out of the faith. Think of the children.

I have done Orthodox cases in the past. Settlements that are fairly negotiated with a ratcheting down of the hostilities can address a number of concerns. Who takes the child to school? Religious instruction? Who gets what holidays in odd years? Even years? Assurances of a kosher home. Every fear that I've seen expressed on this page (mostly fear of being marginalized in the child's life) can be negotiated and dealt with. As long as there is no "I'm going to win at all costs mentality."

I remember a divorce I did years ago where during the settlement negotiations these two people argued for 30 minutes as to who should get the toaster oven! Afterwards I told my client that given what she just paid me to watch this nonsense she could have bought 4 new toaster ovens! My own client's "win at all costs", cost her money! And for what I ask you?

I've been divorced for 15 years now. There was no arguing over a GET. Yes, arguing over other issues (I'm not perfect), but not that. And you know what? We never argue still over who gets what holiday (Are you taking the kids to services this week or should I? Are you doing the first night of Hannukah, because my mother is coming over??). After Court today I just spent the evening with my three daughters. Two of whom spent last summer in Israel. They are beautiful, intelligent young women. They bring me nachas daily. If any of them go to Israel next year, I'll have them look you up.

================================
Guest post by RaP in response to latest posting by attorney Brent Albala, Esq.

Harbe shluchim yesh lo LaMakom (God has many emissaries)...well, the Stein-Weiss case may lack a "Ronnie Greenwald" but along comes a Brent Albala, a Jewish lawyer trained at Touro Law Center and in practice for over 23 years, with a big heart, who is not even frum but understands the complexity of divorces from a legal point of view in the State of New York and inserts a well-needed dollop of sanity in the feud. But he is of course only dealing with a part of the picture, albeit a central part.

He sees things in a pragmatic lawyerly way, but that is not always the way it works in the Haredi Halachic culture.

Not everything in Torah life is about figuring out a way to "please" judges or gain favor by making conciliatory moves. This calls for a level of flexibility and disconnect from a Torah lifestyle that while he admits he has a good awareness of, it still comes across as coming from someone outside the Halachic system, or at least that part of the Halachic system that Yoel Weiss is willy-nilly part of and has recourse to.

He also lacks an appreciation for how "absolutist" the two sides are at this stage -- with Rivki Stein taking on the role of a larger than life poster child for the cause of "all agunas" and Yoel Weiss becoming a local folk hero to the macho men of Boro Park, Williamsburg and beyond.

Yes the wife has already started the process or knocking out someone from the community by obtain a "ruling" from an unknown shadowy unproven so-called never heard of "bais din" that her husband is a "mesarev ledin" with the allegations that he is in "nidui" a form of excommunication from the community. So it is little surprise that what the wife faces, if it turns out she is a liar and manipulator, that she will be tossed out of the community and seen as persona non grata, and no one will have pity on her. In that regard there isn't enough appreciation of how serious this stuff really is by defying the will of a very frum community and its rabbonim. So far Rivki Stein seems to have produced photo-shopped papers, while Yoel Weiss can rely on that no rabbis in his community have told him to give a get.

In that kind of society people listen to their rabbis and not to their lawyers! No one cares what secular judges may potentially think, but everyone worries what their OWN rabbis will say. In previous cases, like in the Dodelson case the issue was aggravated because their were top rabbis on both sides that made it that much worse. In this case of Rivki Stein and Yoel Weiss it builds on that previous case by the use of the same publicists (Shira Dicker) and radical recourse by the women to unashamedly using the yellow journalism of the New York dailies to spill dirt on husbands, Orthodoxy by implication, and create what is know as a Chillul HaShem and it cannot be blamed on the husbands because everyone must accept responsibility for their actions and by hiring skilled publicists and running to the secular press is no less controversial than running to paid buffoons who beat up husbands to extort a get or anything else.

He does not address the fact the use of publicists, nor does he understand that from a Torah Halachic point of view, it is not mandatory to give a "get on demand" something you need to clarify. But he certainly has added a refreshing perspective!

Charisma: A Note on the Dangerous Outer Boundary of Spirituality

Jewish ideas  by Paul Shaviv who contributed a chapter to my book Child and Domestic Abuse Volume I [this originally appeared in April 18, 2011]. hat tip Joel Katz

For the past several years, I have contributed postings to a number of websites on the subject of the dangerously charismatic teacher in schools. The material was based on my book on Jewish school management that was published at the beginning of 2010. The section on the charismatic teacher was entitled “The Pied Piper.”’[i]

Tragically, between the time that the section was originally written (in 2007) and the time the book was published, a former Jewish Studies teacher at our school was arrested on very serious charges of sexual molestation and assault. His alleged offences were committed in Israel. Following his arrest, an investigation in Toronto unearthed many issues of concern. He had exemplified many of the good and many of the bad characteristics of the charismatic teacher, especially one active in the religious life of the school. While in Toronto (as a shaliah) he had been immensely popular; had been idolized by students and by some staff; was a talented musician, much in demand locally as a singer at weddings and other community celebrations; and was also used by NCSY as a youth leader and resource. Many former students testified to the profound religious influence he had on their lives. Others—as it emerged—had far darker, tragic, and damaging memories.

The whole episode and its aftermath caused me many hours of reflection, and made me reconsider fundamentally many other encounters throughout my life with charismatic rabbis and teachers—in both personal and professional capacities. I concluded that although many good teachers and rabbis have elements of charisma in their personalities and style, the overtly charismatic personality almost always masks far more sinister agendas, and must be treated and managed with the utmost caution.  The tipping point is where the personality of the teacher/rabbi is more important than the content of his message or teaching. Sadly, most readers of this article will be familiar with examples from within our own community, let alone examples from other educational and religious communities. [...]