Sunday, July 19, 2015

A woman who willingly had intercourse with her spiritual advisor/rabbi/kabbalist - is she now prohibited to her husband?

Binyan Tzion Rav Ettlinger
In view of a number of instances where a married woman going to a rabbi is advised by the rabbi to have intercourse with him and he says it is permitted - is she prohibited to her husband?

This is not simply a case that the husband is told not to believe her and therefore he can stay married to her (Igros Moshe (E.H. III 16). Nor is it considered rape as it is if she were a child - since she was fully compliant. In short is there a heter for her to remain with her husband because her motivation was not to sin or to rebel against her husband - but rather because she thinks it is a mitzva?

Such a case was dealt with by the Binyan Tzion (154) and other rabbis about hundred and fifty years ago. The ruling of the Binyan Tzion that permitted her to remain with her husband has been cited in recent teshuvos dealing with adultery - Seridei Eish (3:124) and Tzitz Eliezer 5:22. However other poskim have disagreed with the Binyan Tzion - Sho'el umeshiv 3:48 and Yad Eleazar (109). The Yad Eleazar (13) deals with another case in which a woman didn't realize the man who came into the apartment and had sex with her was not her husband - but her brother -in-law. When she realized her mistake and protested he raped her and she became pregnant. In this case the Yad Eleazar permitted her to remain with her husband and declared that the child was not a mamzer. [See Infidelity and Intimacy in 19th century Vienna by Julie Lieber in NASHIM  a Journal of Jewish Women's Studies and Gender Issues 2011]

[this is my rough translation - please check the original Hebrew]

Binyan Tzion (#154) … One day when the husband was away on business a man arrived in the village from Poland with ragged clothing and he requested from the wife a place to sleep. While the wife was very modest all her life, her religious righteousness blinded her and out of a feeling pity she gave him a place to stay as well as food and drink. However the guest refused to eat any meat and he refused to drink anything other than water. He did other ascetic acts which seemed to indicate he was a very pious person such as physical afflictions which he did to himself everyday. He sat in his room all day alone with a sefer in his hand. In addition every night he would say tikun chatzos at midnight and mourn for the destruction of the Temple. He also refused to sleep in a bed but instead slept on the ground with a stone for a pillow. Everyday he would immerse himself twice daily in the cold waters of a nearby stream even though it was winter. However one Friday night after the meal was finished and the children and servants had left the table and gone to sleep – this fraud remained sitting at the table alone with the woman. After they talked a while she started to ask him who he was and where he had come from and where was he going? He replied that he was G-d’s messenger and his name was Eliyahu the Prophet and he was gathering his fellow Jews from the four corners of the Earth and that he only revealed this information to certain pious individuals. The woman in her foolishness totally believed him. She then went to sleep in her bedroom which adjoined the dining room. This disgusting person remained sitting in his place study a sefer until midnight. After midnight he got up and quietly tiptoed to her bed and woke her from her sleep. He told her that he had traveled from one end of the world to the other and he had not found anyone as righteous as she was who was deserving to be the mother of the Messiah. But the problem was that her husband was not fitting to be the father of the Messiah. He said therefore he had been sent from Heaven to have intercourse with her and at the appropriate time she would give birth to the Messiah who would redeem all the Jewish people.  He said he would give her sign that he was in fact Eliyahu. He said that the following Tuesday after he had left her, if she would open the trunk which stood in her bedroom she would find a treasure of gold coins.  But this would only happen if she didn't open the trunk before he had left. He spoke these things in such a convincing manner that he succeeded in seducing her and having intercourse with her on Friday Night, Saturday night. However on Sunday before dawn this disgusting person fled from there and no one knew where he went. This foolish woman decided it would be a good idea to write to her husband that he should return home quickly since G-d had given them a great treasure. Her husband listed to her and returned on Tuesday. But when the woman opened the trunk she did not find any treasure that the seducer had promised her. When she realized that she had been tricked she screamed and cried bitterly and told her husband all the disgusting things that had transpired through this wicked man. She explained to him that she hadn't don't this to rebel against him but rather she had done it for the sake of Heaven. She explained that the seducer was ugly and very disgusting and she hadn't done it for lust. However her husband was not placated with this explanation and went to the Rav and told him everything and asked what the halacha was regarding his wife. The Rav sent for her and cross examined her carefully and she told him all the details mentioned here.  The Rav ordered that they separate from each other until he had a chance to consult with other rabbis. [...]

Conclusion: As a consequence of this line or reasoning we are saying that when she deliberately had adulterous intercourse – for the sake of Heaven – it did not constitute rebelling against and betrayal of her husband. However it is not correct to disagree with the Maharik and Beis Shmuel and to permit that which they prohibit. Nevertheless I saw in Shevus Yaakov (2:117) that he was asked concerning a man who was walking with his wife and others in a forest when they were attacked by murderers and the only chance of saving their lives was if his wife had sexual relations with the bandits with her husbands consent. The question was since she had deliberately committed adultery to save their lives was she now permitted to her husband? The Shevus Yaakov answer is based on the Maharik who asked why is such an action different than what Esther did either as being forced originally or eventually doing it willingly since that was also a case where she committed adultery in order to save the Jewish people? … He states that if intercourse was not forced but was done for the sake of saving others – then she is prohibited to her husband but if the intercourse itself was forced then she is permitted to her husband. Now regarding our case the question is that when the seducer said to her that he was Eliyahu the Prophet and he was sent from Heaven to have intercourse with her and she believed this nonsense to such a complete degree that she contacted her husband so he could experience the wealth that had been promised by Eliyahu because she view as if she had already gotten it. Consequently because of her foolishness she viewed this as a Divine commandment to have intercourse with this man and there is no greater force than that. She clearly had no intent to rebel against her husband but her motivation was purely for the sake of Heaven. Therefore it should be viewed according to the Maharik and Achronim that she was totally forced to have intercourse and she is permitted to her husband in my humble opinion.  However my psak should not be relied upon unless there are two other poskim who agree with this and thus I join with them to permit this woman to her husband. In particular as we noted in the question she was always a righteous woman and they have children. This is my humble opinion.

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